An appreciation of light.

An appreciation of light.

compassion & care, mental health & illness

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

Autosave-File vom d-lab2/3 der AgfaPhoto GmbH

How does one say, “I’m not doing well?” How clearly does one delineate the unwellness?

Yes, I’ve been experiencing an psychiatric episode. Somehow, it goes beyond that. Last night: I could smell everything, the sound of anything hurt, the vibration of the upstairs neighbors hurt, the sound of a dog barking down the street hurt. I was stumbling — am stumbling — when walking. I am dizzy. I am seeing a neurologist tomorrow, primarily to evaluate me for a kind of encephalitis,  which is a swelling and/or irritation of the brain, and yet I check Twitter, I make to-do lists, I insist on trying to fix the computer. I can’t tell if this is stubbornness or an unwillingness to give up the ghost. I’ve been receiving flowers from friends and loved ones, because I’ve asked for flowers. I take pictures. I don’t know what to say when the insurance company, with whom I’ve been struggling for nine months or more, asks me how I am.

I will say, though: please, be kind. Be meaningful. There’s so much to be busy about at this time of year, but remember to be kind — to others, yes, but also to your great and glorious self, which is capable of so much.

signature

Share Button

Comments

  1. I think we ask “how are you doing?” expecting a simple answer all too often. Or we feel we need to give a simple answer. It’s such a complex question. There are truly hard things that you deal with, and there is still beauty in your life. And everything in between. I am glad that with everything else going on, you have flowers. And you have light. And photography. *hugs*

Post a Comment

Required

Optional